I Really Wish It Were Jedi Returning

I’ve tried to think of a clever or eloquent way of writing this, but I can’t find one. Bald facts: they think my cancer might be back. There’s a spot, it’s small, less than 2cm square, but growing.

I’m having surgery on Monday back at Hopkins. If they can, they’ll remove it. If they can’t remove it, they’ll place markers around it to help direct radiation. After surgery I’ll talk with experts in sarcomas, clinical trials, and radiation therapy and the tumor board at Hopkins will come up with a plan. They really want to avoid chemotherapy. Recovery from surgery will be between 1.5 and 3 weeks, roughly. I’ll be in the hospital between 1 and 3 or so nights, depending on what they find and can do during surgery.

I’m exhausted, angry, and sad. My office is helping me figure out short term disability again, which is good because I was finally up to 16.1 hours of PTO. I’ll have to go negative for a few days, before short term disability will kick in because I can’t go negative enough days to cover even the short end of recovery without taking unpaid leave.

Last year I had my wedding to look forward to and my strong, amazing dad who always knew the right words to cheer me up, even if it was just leaving me a voicemail telling me that he was glad I’d suggested he watch Supergirl because he was really enjoying it and thought I would, too, once I could stream it.

In good news, my husband, cat (pictured), sister, still-living family, and the few gray cat looking at the calendarfriends I’ve already told have been rock stars. I know from last year that my community and friends are amazing. I know where to get biscuits near Johns Hopkins so I can send Jarrod for them when I’m angry and crabby at the hospital (I wish I could remember where my dad got me a milkshake during chemo). I’m luckier than the folks in Silver Spring who recently lost their homes and belongings to the explosion last week (learn how to donate). And, thanks to my dad, I have boxes and boxes of Star Trek books to read during recovery and any treatment that might be needed afterward. Dad liked both Star Wars and Star Trek, but it was Star Trek novels that he devoured and we shared back and forth.

Let’s see what happens.

 

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12 thoughts on “I Really Wish It Were Jedi Returning

  1. My heart goes out to you, Bethany. I’m sending all positive thoughts out to the universe that they will get this. So, so sorry. I know how angry and disappointed you must be. Hugs to all. Lots of prayers for you.

  2. Thanks for sharing your journey with us Beth. It’s a hell of a road you’re walking. We send you all our love and our prayers are coming your way too! Ps. Star Trek novels sound like just the ticket for some good escapism.

  3. I hate like hell that you have to go through this. It just pisses me off so much.

    So many prayers and vibes and good thoughts are being said and sent for you from so many people. I wish there were some way I could make it be all better.

  4. FUCK CANCER INDEED!
    Bethany you are amazing you have Jarrod and you have many supporting you, but still it sucks too much and I am sorry you have to do this again.

  5. My heart hurts for you and Jerrod that you are facing such a huge mountain again. May you find strength and help from God and know you are being prayed for.

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