I’ve tried to think of a clever or eloquent way of writing this, but I can’t find one. Bald facts: they think my cancer might be back. There’s a spot, it’s small, less than 2cm square, but growing.

I’m having surgery on Monday back at Hopkins. If they can, they’ll remove it. If they can’t remove it, they’ll place markers around it to help direct radiation. After surgery I’ll talk with experts in sarcomas, clinical trials, and radiation therapy and the tumor board at Hopkins will come up with a plan. They really want to avoid chemotherapy. Recovery from surgery will be between 1.5 and 3 weeks, roughly. I’ll be in the hospital between 1 and 3 or so nights, depending on what they find and can do during surgery.

I’m exhausted, angry, and sad. My office is helping me figure out short term disability again, which is good because I was finally up to 16.1 hours of PTO. I’ll have to go negative for a few days, before short term disability will kick in because I can’t go negative enough days to cover even the short end of recovery without taking unpaid leave.

Last year I had my wedding to look forward to and my strong, amazing dad who always knew the right words to cheer me up, even if it was just leaving me a voicemail telling me that he was glad I’d suggested he watch Supergirl because he was really enjoying it and thought I would, too, once I could stream it.

In good news, my husband, cat (pictured), sister, still-living family, and the few friends I’ve already told have been rock stars. I know from last year that my community and friends are amazing. I know where to get biscuits near Johns Hopkins so I can send Jarrod for them when I’m angry and crabby at the hospital (I wish I could remember where my dad got me a milkshake during chemo). I’m luckier than the folks in Silver Spring who recently lost their homes and belongings to the explosion last week (learn how to donate). And, thanks to my dad, I have boxes and boxes of Star Trek books to read during recovery and any treatment that might be needed afterward. Dad liked both Star Wars and Star Trek, but it was Star Trek novels that he devoured and we shared back and forth.

Let’s see what happens.

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